“The only thing that is constant is change.” - Heraclitis, Greek Philosopher.
Hugh Asher of Darach Forest Therapy teaches that wabi sabi can be seen as a way of accepting and embracing change and our imperfections, flaws and vulnerabilities rather than trying to hide them. He recognizes that life is unpredictable and sometimes difficult, and that it is okay to be imperfect and to make mistakes. In addition to forest bathing, he recommends embracing wabi sabi to "help us cultivate a sense of acceptance and compassion towards ourselves and others." Asher emphasizes that wabi sabi can also help us to "focus on the present moment and appreciate the simple pleasures in life, rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future." He concludes that it is not about ignoring or denying problems or difficulties, but rather about "finding a way to deal with them in a healthy and mindful way. It is about finding beauty and meaning in the imperfections and impermanence of life, and learning to appreciate the present moment for what it is."
Change happens. Life happens. Things fall apart and we can either sink into the wreckage, or pick up the pieces and put them together again. Positivepsychology.com, provides an invaluable tool kit that every one of us can access. It is home to simple exercises that help make sense of the feeling of chaos that can overcome when things move, change, crumble, or shift. For me, it is kintsugi for the soul, and only requires a pen, paper, some quiet reflection, and an open mind. Jeremy Sutton, PhD of positivepsychology.com expresses his perspective on change:
Life is continually changing and evolving. This means that from time to time, things just stop existing. Losing a job, ending a marriage, or moving to another place are examples of changes that many people have experienced. We lose out on something important, a big plan collapses, or we are rejected by someone. Another way of expressing this feeling of loss is that a door is being closed. It is important to note, however, that the end of one thing is always the beginning of something else. We have the option to stay focused on the new opportunities that lie ahead, or to wallow in the stagnancy of what is closed behind the door. We can piece it back together; there is always a way.
"Doors closed doors open" is an invaluable Positive Psychology exercise that allows you to reassess closed doors and rebuild your experiences. According to Seph Fontane Pennock of Positivepsychology.com, the goal of this exercise is threefold:
The exercise can make you aware that the end of something is also the beginning of something new.
The exercise can help you become aware that this change requires a shift in perspective from focusing on things that are not there anymore to seeing the potential for future endeavors.
The exercise can help you become aware of what currently prevents you from adopting a more optimistic outlook when doors close.
Pennock teaches that the goal of the exercise is not to downplay the negative event that you've experienced, but to create awareness of the positive potential that
arises as a result of the closed door.
Independent Practice:
Think about a time in your life when a door closed for you: perhaps someone rejected you, you missed out on something important, or a big plan collapsed.
Now, think about what happened after the fact: What doors opened as a result? What would have never happened if the first door had never closed?
Next, take 15 minutes or so to write down as many of these experiences that come to mind, beginning each experience with "The door that closed on me was...".
When you complete writing the experiences down, simply preface the next portion of your reflection with "The new door that opened for me as a result of the door closing was...".
Reflect upon your experiences and respond to the following questions:
What led to the door closing? What helped you open the new door?
How long did it take you to realize that a new door was open?
Was it easy or hard for you to realize that a new door was open?
What prevented you from seeing the new open door?
What can you do next time to recognize the new opportunity sooner?
What were the effects of the door closing on you? Did it last long?
Did the experience bring anything positive?
What does a closed-door represent to you now?
What did you learn from the door closing?
Is there more room for growth from these types of experiences?
Is there a closed door that you still wish to see open?
Moving forward, think of all the people who have helped you open doors in the past. What did they do to help, and what can YOU do to help others look at closed doors in a new light?
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